so i've been avoiding writing this. partly cuz i'm exhausted. partly cuz it's not going to be as upbeat as i'd hoped. partly because i don't feel like rehashing. but i also do...vent a bit, throw it out there, clear things up. write it down. etc.


back from tour obviously. i keep fighting off this cold that i think rich and i keep passing back and forth. i thought i had it beat, but he's been sicker this past weekend and of course i hung out with him and i'm starting to feel crappy again. d'oh! karma for harassing him while he was trying to sleep i suppose.


you can see pictures from tour all over my facebook if you have that, and i linked to that video on youtube for anyone who cared to see me rock the fuck out

but unfortunately i won't be continuing with katc. signals got sort of crossed and marketing plans didn't include a 5th member. i don't think they really cleared it with the manager before having me hop on the tour...everyone just got overexcited. so i had a fucking BLAST. but i'm back to status as the guitarist's girlfriend and sometimes photographer.

i miss the road already though. i'm anxious for another project that will bring that sort of activity back into my life.



the same couple days as all this was happening my grandfather went into the hospital via ambulance. he'd been to another hospital first due to breathing problems and they said it was asthma. idiots. it turned out to be pneumonia. so he stayed at the hospital a few days and was discharged last friday, back home with my grandma. but my grandma just finished chemo for lung cancer, so her immune system is down...and she also has tons of appointments for various shots and soon, radiation as well. so my mother went down there friday night to juggle them, and saturday my grandpa ended up back at the hospital with fluid in his lungs.

then once they dealt with that they had to get his various heart medication levels stabilized but gave him too much blood thinner.

so he should have been out monday, but then they had to deal with that. however! he was discharged today and is now home. my aunt has been there since..tuesday i think, maybe monday night, to pick up where my mother left off.


needless to say my mom is freaking out, stressed as hell, exhausted, and even injured herself in the whole process. her toe, if you ask me, is broken.



and then to top it off, the way the band situation unfolded opened some very old wounds that i had suppressed from like...frickin high school. so i've been pretty insecure lately. fingers crossed it isn't weighing on my relationship with rich. he's being more supportive than i'd probably be if the situation were reversed.


but hey, things may be turning up a bit now, eh? pop pop's home. so mom is breathing easier. i'm spending time with cricket. still managing some time with rich. they're playing 3 shows..tomorrow, friday, saturday. so i'll go to the friday one most likely. if things aren't too awkward then i'll go saturday too. i don't want any of this to take away tagging along at shows. i really don't have a lot going on in my life socially and it would feel really awful to feel as though i could no longer go support rich at the shows and hang out with the people i've spent so much time with these past couple months.



i also think i'm just worrying too much. and i know that if i try to keep a distance from the shows and whatnot now, it'll only make it seem like things are tense when i finally see everyone together again. but really..this shit happens. it's part of the business. there's no hard feelings. the only way there will be hard feelings is if they come to a point where they can add a 5th player and they don't try me out to see if i'm still a good fit. that'd be a bit offensive to me and i'd take it personally. but barring that, haha, no hard feelings.


in fact i'm thinking of trying to convince them to still take me on warped tour as live photographer like we did the first time i hit the road with them. i'm a sucker for life on the road, i swear.


another positive though. tomorrow morning (afternoon for most people) i have another session with jamie on my left sleeve. surrealist fish thing based heavily off a design on threadless, believe it or not. should be rad as shit i'm sure we'll get the outline done tomorrow. and then just see if she's in the zone or not and keeps going or if i need another appointment lol. either way. sounds good to me.


so that's where things stand with me, my friends. lots of things up in the air. i wonder which ones i will catch?